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spread them out on the table; it was a thorough exhibit of
every imaginable article. Whatever belonged to Johanka he
threw back into Johanka s cupboard; he had even wanted to
arrange them neatly and in order, but after a few attempts he
retreated helplessly, leaving the cupboard wide open, as if it
had been burgled. And then he began to fear that Johanka
would return and that he would be obliged to have a serious
talk with her & The thought of it sickened him so, he began at
once to dress. Tomorrow I ll give her a severe talking-to, he
told himself; today it s enough for her to know that I ve found
her out. He picked up one of his new shirts; it was stiff, as if
made of cardboard, and for the life of him he couldn t manage
to fasten the collar. And Johanka would be coming back any
moment&
He quickly slipped into one of his old shirts instead,
despite the fact that it was frayed, and then the moment he was
dressed, he slunk out of the house like a thief. For an hour he
THE SHIRTS 217
hung about the streets in the rain, until it was time to go to the
banquet. He felt lonely at the gathering; he tried to enter into
conversation with some old acquaintances, but lord knows how
it happens, the years had come between him and other people;
who would have guessed that we can barely understand each
other now? But he held no grudges against anyone, he merely
stood to one side and smiled, dazzled by the glare of lights and
the hum of activity & until, from some unknown source, new
panic welled up inside him: what on earth must I look like?
Look here, threads dangling from my shirt, and there s a spot
on my dress coat, and as for my shoes, my God! He wished he
could sink into the ground, and he looked around for
somewhere to hide, but on all sides there shone the glare of
brilliant shirtfronts  where could he possibly, inconspicuously,
lose himself in the crowd? He was afraid to take a step in the
direction of the door, lest all eyes be turned upon him. To his
embarrassment he began to perspire. He pretended to be
standing motionless, but all the time he was imperceptibly
scuffling sideways so that, centimeter by centimeter, he could
edge up to the door with no one being the wiser. But oh no,
one old acquaintance, a classmate from secondary school,
stopped to chat: that s all he needed! He answered the man
distractedly, very nearly offending him. Alone once more, he
breathed a sigh of relief and calculated his distance to the door.
At length he escaped outside and rushed home; it was not yet
midnight.
On his way home, he once again started thinking about
Johanka. He slowed his pace and began to think through what
he would say to her. With unaccustomed ease, long, powerful,
dignified sentences came together, a complete discourse of stern
judgment and ultimate mercy. Yes, mercy, because in the end
he would forgive her. He would not turn her out into the
streets. Johanka would weep and implore, then promise to
mend her ways; he would listen in silence, unmoved, and at last
he would say to her solemnly: Johanka, I will give you a chance
218 C ROSS R OADS
to make amends for your ingratitude. Be honest and loyal; I ask
no more of you. I am an old man and do not wish to be cruel.
He was so excited that before he realized it he was already
home unlocking the door. A light was still burning in the
kitchen. Ever so briefly he glanced through the curtains into the
kitchen, and good heavens! What s that? Johanka, her face red
and swollen with tears, was dashing about the kitchen and
tossing her things into a trunk. He was terribly alarmed. Why
the trunk? He tiptoed to his room, confused, distressed,
dumbfounded. Was Johanka going away?
There on the table in his room lay all the things she had
stolen from him. He touched each one, but he no longer took
even the slightest joy from doing this. I see, he said to himself,
Johanka has discovered that I ve found her guilty of theft, and
she expects to be dismissed on an hour s notice; that s why
she s packing. Very well, I ll leave her with that idea & until
tomorrow, that ll teach her a lesson; yes, I ll talk with her in
the morning. But perhaps & perhaps even now she s coming to
apologize! She ll burst into tears before me, fall on her knees,
that sort of thing. Very well, Johanka, I don t wish to be cruel;
you may stay. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]