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 Just an accident.
He walked into the living room and collapsed onto the couch.
I followed him.  Lucas. I m your boyfriend. You can tell me.
He looked at me. He was looked like he had been to hell and back.
He sighed.  All right, fine. I ll tell you. But you can t make a big deal out of it. It was one
of those anti-homosexual crusaders. I was passing out flyers to this rally on the streets and he
came at me with a knife.
My eyes widened. I was hungry before, but now I couldn t eat. My Lucas had been
threatened. My appetite was gone.
 What? I exclaimed.  He tried to kill you?
Lucas nodded, his face weary.
I sat down on the couch.  But you lived. You were lucky. You could have died.
The possibility hit me like a sharp scythe plunging into my chest. My baby could have
died. I couldn t process it.
 This is exactly what I feared, I said, working myself up. My heart was racing a mile a
minute.  You never know what kind of crazy guys are out there.
I took his hand.  Lucas, I want you to consider something.
 What?
I took a deep breath. It was now or never. If I let it out, I could never take it back.
I decided to go for it. His wounds made me nervous and gave me courage to say something
I had been thinking about for a while.
 Lucas, I want you to quit this movement. It s too dangerous. I can t imagine what I would
do if something happened to you.
He shook his head vigorously, his dark hair spilling all over his shoulders.  No, I can t. I
took an oath. I made a vow to myself.
I was growing agitated.  I understand you want to fight for our rights, but at what cost?
Your own death? But why does it have to be you? Why can t it be some other guy who s getting
us these rights?
A silence passed between us. We were at a stalemate. Neither of us was getting what we
wanted.
Lucas may have been nearly perfect, but he still had his flaws. He was extremely stubborn.
He turned to me, his eyes brooding. His left eye was black and blue around the edges. He
looked like a panda.
As I stared at the light gnash on his cheek, I was flooded with anger. Lucas was the most
beautiful person in the world to me. How dare this narrow-minded bigot mar his beauty! He
made a blemish on my Lucas.
He tried to hide the scar by covering it with his hand.  Someone has to do it.
He exhaled.  Do you know why I m doing this?
 No, I said, folding my arms.  Why are you risking your life for these rights? Why does it
have to be you?
When Lucas replied, he had this glint in his eyes.  I have a vision. I envision a society
where your sexual orientation, your race, your age, your religion - none of it matters. I envision
everyone to be equal, because that means freedom. And our country was founded on the ideals of
freedom.
He stared at the floor and then back at me again.  I ve this vision ever since I was a skinny
gay kid picked on in high school back in Arizona. I vowed that no one should have to go through
that kind of hell. And then my thinking just grew bigger from there. No one should have to suffer
the indignities of being different. And being denied marriage because I want to marry another
guy is an indignity.
What he said was extremely profound, but also, extremely idealistic to me. The kind of
society he envisioned did not exist. Humans simply cannot be completely equal, because we are
not. We are all too different. As for the indignities part, I agreed with it in principle, but I had to
pick my battles.
He inhaled and continued.  I mean, wouldn t it be great if you no longer had to fear being
killed just because you re holding hands with another man in public?
 That would be great, I said softly.  But I just don t want it badly enough to risk my man
for it. I m selfish. I want you all to myself. I don t want you risking your life out there in the
cruel world. Let someone else do it.
Lucas shrugged.  Someone has to do it.
 But why does it have to be you?
He had no answer for me.
Another silence floated between us. I was getting nowhere and I was getting frustrated.
 I can t quit, Lucas murmured.  We re so close.
He closed his eyes. He looked exhausted.
I didn t know what to say.
When he opened his eyes again, his expression was serious.
 I ve been thinking about this for a while, he said, propping himself up against a pillow.
 There were times I wanted to quit, but I need to do this. I need to fight for those who couldn't
fight for themselves.
Did he mean me?
I shook my head.  I can t deal with this. I just can t.
He turned to look at me, pursing his lips.  So what does this mean for us then?
I had no idea.
Lucas got up and stood up.  I have to do this. I m sorry, but I have to. And you have to
decide whether you re in this with me for the long haul. And if you are, you have to decide how
best to deal with this, because I m not giving up my mission. Everyone needs to find their
mission on Earth and this is mine. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]